Today something devastating happened.
I was stripped of my rank.
Huh?
You heard me. I was on my way to becoming a Four Star General, but was cut short.
No, I’m not in the armed forces. I’m just taking a class with my kids. It’s called Key of Liberty and we are learning about the men and women and the documents that formed this great country we call home. We read books, write papers, memorize documents, scriptures and the states, and participate in simulations. We have a list of requirements for each semester that, as we accomplish them, we earn rank. It is in the form of a paper that we put in the front of our binder and a colorful ribbon that we tie to these old-fashioned iron keys. The really cool part is that those of a higher rank get to order those of a lower rank around, asking them to get water, or whatever else we feel the need for during the course of our class! We don’t have to do the requirements if we don’t want to, but if we do then at the end of each semester we can earn a really great prize. The first semester’s prize is to have a flag flown IN OUR HONOR over the Capitol in Washington DC! Cool, huh! The second semester we earn a package with a quill pen, real parchment paper and ink. And then if we go ABOVE AND BEYOND by doing all the requirements each semester and a few more we earn the rank of Four Star General and we get to go to an etiquette dinner wherein we are honored and are presented with framed copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America!
So, I have been busy with my girls reading and writing and memorizing and reading and writing and memorizing and reading and........it has taken a lot of time! Writing doesn’t come easy to me. Teaching my kids how to write is even harder. I have sweated and cried over these paper - we have to write one essay per week! Actually three per week for me because not only do I have my own to do, but I have to help my girls with theirs before handing them in. And they aren’t easy questions; they take a bit of pondering:
Why are a moral people required for good government?
What are your God-given rights?
When is it right to defend your liberty with physical force?
On top of all the writing I have memorized the 10 commandments, the 13 original colonies and can place them on a map, and I have memorized almost HALF of the Declaration of Independence, researched and given a report on The Stamp Act, read several books, and much more, somehow fitting it all in along with being a mother, wife, homemaker, chauffer, physician, chef, maid…
Essentially, I have worked hard for all this, only to have it stripped away today.
And why was it stripped away?
Well, I shall tell you.
In class today our instructor laid on the table a plate of very delicious treats—and then proceeded to eat them in front of us, not offering to share. She gave her lecture and we discussed a book, during which she ate two or three treats in front of us while we all sat there drooling. Finally, she asked if we would like some. We all excitedly said yes. She then proceeded to give us a very tiny piece. She asked if we wanted more, of course we did! Well, she said, these treats represent liberty. She had worked and slaved over them. She had spent her own money and time in order to make them. She wasn’t just giving them away. If we wanted some we had to play a game. If we won, we would get the treats. If she won, she would get all our ranks and our ribbons. Did we still want some? Most of us said yes, but a few were apprehensive. But, we thought, it was just a game, surely it wouldn’t be too hard; and those treats looked might tasty, so in the end we agreed to her terms.
Our instructor had taken the Declaration of Independence and divided it into six sections. Each of these sections was cut into strips and placed in an envelope. She told us we had twenty minutes to put together the strips in the correct order. If we did so we won. However, if even one phrase was out of place, we lost. Four students were picked to represent the rest of the class, I being one of them. The rules were, we (the representatives) weren’t allowed to speak to anyone but each other, and the class was not allowed to help us.
She dropped the envelopes on the table and the game began. Thankfully, because some of us had memorized the first part of it, we were able to proceed through the first three envelopes fairly quickly. Then it got hard. Imagine, sorting through the strips, trying to piece 20 random phrases together into something that made sense, feeling the eyes of your classmates on you, knowing that if you fail, you not only affect yourself, you affect everyone in the class, some of who agreed to the terms, but others, who did not really want to do it, but were coerced into the game—needless to say, the pressure was a little intense. We persevered and were down to the last envelope...and then the time ran out.
Surely, we thought, she wouldn’t really take our rank, would she? After all, it was just a game and this was just a class...but no, we had to hand in our ranks along with the ribbon from our keys. All that hard work flashed before my eyes. And not only my work, but the work of my girls. They had been so excited about this class and about earning those awards. I had let them down. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I was embarrassed to be crying, but I couldn’t help myself.
Then our instructor started talking about the founders of our country. She picked up a handful of our ribbons and as she dropped them one by one, she started naming off things that were taken away from those who had signed the Declaration and those who had fought for our freedom: homes, family, friends, health, wealth. She asked us what we were willing to give for our freedom. Would we be willing to give up the comforts we have? Would we be willing to watch our husbands and sons march off to war? These ranks we just handed in were just pieces of paper after all, just colorful pieces of fabric. They were nothing compared to what others had given up.
Class ended. We didn’t get our ranks back and I drove home devastated. I tried to make sense of what had happened. I thought about all the time and effort I had put into it. I tried to relate it to my country. I could see what she was trying to help us understand, and it was very effective; I was grateful for the sacrifices of the founders of our country, but still, this was just a class. Did I really have to earn my rank back? I wouldn’t be able to read all the books again and write all the papers again before the end of the semester. It was too much for me to comprehend. I went through a variety of emotions, from frustration, to anger, to self-pity.
Then I started to contemplate the game. Why did we lose? I pondered on it for a few minutes, thinking about the document that we had been striving to put together, and then suddenly it dawned on me...we lost because of knowledge, or rather, a lack thereof. We didn’t know the Declaration of Independence well enough to win. If we had memorized the Declaration of Independence we wouldn’t have lost. We wouldn’t be in the position we were in. We would have emerged victorious, with our rank intact and the grateful praises of our fellow students.
After that realization my thoughts wandered elsewhere. I thought about Proposition 8. It is a measure on the ballot in California that if passed will be a constitutional amendment that will restore the definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman. A few weeks ago I was out campaigning door to door for Proposition 8, and out of the hundreds of doors that we knocked on, not one person knew what the proposition was about. Not one. The problem doesn’t stop there though, when people do find out about it, they think it's just about giving same sex couples the right to marry. But it’s about so much more. It’s about freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and parental rights. It’s about fighting against tyranny by not allowing activist judges the power to go against the will of the people. There is so much at stake if this is voted down. But they don’t know this. Why? Because the educational system in our country has failed. They had not been taught the fundamental principles that are the foundation of our freedom and liberty. They lack the knowledge required for liberty.
Fifty years ago children had to memorize the Declaration of Independence in order to graduate from school. It was considered one of the most important documents ever. Today, I would venture to say that most people don’t even know what’s in it, aside from a few phrases. I stand guilty of that. As I have been memorizing it I have been awed by the timeless treasure of knowledge contained within that document. My mind is opening and expanding as to what liberty truly is. The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America are an accumulation of the wisdom of the ages garnered through hours and hours of study by men and women who knew what true liberty was and who were willing to do whatever it required to obtain it and to secure it for their posterity. They had families to care for, church duties to fulfill, children to educate, houses to clean, farms to run, and businesses to operate. Many men were gone from their families for long periods of time leaving their wives to care for the farm and educate the children. But they were willing to sacrifice all this for liberty. And in doing so, they changed the course of history.
I thought of how I spend my time. I’m not really a TV watcher, but lately I’ve been tuned into the news a little too long. I’ve watched a few more movies than I should have. And, I’m on the computer way longer than I need to be. Just the other day I was looking at my bookshelf and lamenting that I hadn’t read many of the books there. I don’t read near as much as I used to because I have allowed other things to take precedence in my life. I used to study my scriptures on a regular basis, but now it is spotty at best. While I acknowledge that I am a busy person; like my predecessors, I have a family to care for, heavy church calling to fulfill, children to educate and a house to clean; still, I know that I don’t use my time wisely. What if, instead of watching a movie last night, I had spent that time working on memorizing the Declaration of Independence? Perhaps I wouldn’t be writing this post right now!
So, to my dear teacher - THANK YOU for the simulation. While the lesson you were striving to teach, that we would have a deeper appreciation of our country's founders, was ingrained in me, the larger lesson that I learned was that knowledge is the key that will save our country. It is the key that will preserve our liberty. If we “seek…out of the best books words of wisdom; [if we] seek learning, even by study and also by faith” we can do what those who fought so valiantly for our liberties did. By sacrificing of our time to learn and understand what our fundamental, God-given rights are, we too, can change the course of history.
And I’ll do everything else over again, but please, please, please don’t make me read the books and write the papers again!!!
That's rhetorical, so please don't answer!
I had an interesting conversation with my MIL the other day. She was telling me about this TV show that she loves to watch. It’s a bit of a racy program and she said, “Oh, I know there’s some stuff in it that’s, well, kind of “hmm hmm” (her way of saying a little too much of the s3x*y stuff), but the bond these ladies have is why I really love to watch it.”
Now I love my MIL dearly, so this post is nothing against her, but her comment got me to thinking about something that I had just read in Pilgrim’s Progress. Pilgrim’s Progress is an allegory of a man’s search for the Celestial City(salvation). Christian, the hero of the story is on a journey to find the Celestial City and on his way he meets up with many temptations, threats and dangers. He finds a companion named “Hopeful” who also wishes for the Celestial City. They are directed to the path and given a Note of Direction. They are also warned about the “Flatterers”, nevertheless when they are at a crossroad and not sure which way to go a man “black of Flesh, but covered with a very light Robe, came to them, and asked them why they stood there?” They told him they were on their way to the Celestial City, but didn’t know what road to take. He told them to follow him, so they do, and consequently are led into a net where they become entangled. It is at this point that the “White robe fell off the black man’s back” and they finally recognize that they’ve been duped. They are helpless until a Shining One comes to their rescue.
When I first read that part, I was mad at them for following. It was obvious to me that they should have questioned who he was and where he intended leading them. But as I contemplated it further I thought of how sly the adversary is. He only has to “cloak” something in an appealing attire to entice us. They did recognize that the man was of “black flesh”, but the White Robe made them feel comfortable enough to follow and it was only after they became entangled in the net that he revealed himself.
My MIL’s show is all about friendship; women falling in and out of love, helping each other through the rough spots of life, day to day situations that we can identify with, scenes played out in hilarious, touching and sentimental ways—and before you know it, these women are like your best friends. You have to keep up with them; you have to know what happens to them each week.
But beneath the cloak lies the risqué. We may feel a little squeamish through some of those scenes, but we’re grown-ups. We can handle that kind of stuff right?
I’m definitely a guilty party here. I have watched shows that a friend terms a “guilty pleasure”. Last year I got hooked on a series. I had to watch it every week and I also got the DVD’s from Netflix so I could catch up and understand what was going on. I watched for a few weeks, but then noticed that my home felt a little dark. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I kept feeling like I needed to send the DVD’s back without watching them. I put it off for a bit, but finally I prayed about it and the impression was pretty strong. I’ve found through experience not to ignore those impressions, so I sent them back. Immediately the feeling in my home changed. It was like something heavy left. I try not to think about what my home would be like had I ignored the impression and watched the programs.
I will admit to another "guilty pleasure". My computer. It's now 12:44 am and I should be in bed...
Goodnight!
I'm so glad today is over.
My girls and I all take piano from the most fabulous teacher. Everytime after our lesson I tell my girls, "When I grow up I want to be just like Sister____________. She is very encouraging and positive even when she is critiquing your work. And she's always smiling. I love people who always smile.
Anyway, back to why I'm glad this day is over. Today was our piano recital. I was playing two pieces, one by myself and one as a duet with my eldest daughter. I had practiced and practiced my own piece, but there were two parts that every single time I played them, I messed up. I would go back and work on just those parts over and over and over again, only to come back and mess up. The other struggle was that my daughter was at EFY all last week, so we were not able to practice our duet together until this morning! Let's talk about stress here...no, let's not!
I prayed, we prayed, my husband gave us blessings. We perservered and improved. Before the recital I said another prayer and asked that our minds would be quickened and our hands able to remember the notes, but I forgot to ask for one specific thing.............I forgot to ask that my hands not shake.
They shook.
So much so that EVERYONE noticed, and EVERYONE commented on it afterward.
I played my solo piece first and was so devastated with my shaking hands that I was unsure if I would be able to perform the duet with my daughter. So I prayed and as I was praying I remembered something I had read recently. It was from the 23 Psalm..."He leadeth me beside the still waters." I asked that my hands be made still and the words that came into my mind were, "Be still and know that I am God."
Our turn came and even though we made a few mistakes, my hands were calm.
I love it when the Lord answers right away.
But I'm still glad this day is over!
I love the end of May. It signifies the end of the school year, the end of seminary, the end of dance lessons, the end of baseball, the end of trapshooting, the end of piano lessons, the end of endless chauffering of kids from here to there and everywhere. Right around the middle of May I get tired...very, very tired. I start thinking about next year and trying to figure out how I can stop the endless running around. I wish I lived on a farm, way out in the country, away from all the "life enriching" activities that I think my kids need.
I've been taking an online class where we read, study and discuss great literature and inspiring documents. The first document we discussed was Your Refined Heavenly Home, by Douglass L. Callister. I love this speech. Actually, I don't love this speech. Well, I do and I don't! It's an amazing speech that has caused me to take a closer look at the environment of my home. I love it because it has caused me to really think about my home and how conducive it is to cultivating the type of refinement that he talks about. And I don't love it because taking a closer look is painful! I so desire to have a "Refined Heavenly Home", but I have a looooong way to go!
I believe the first step to having a home where refinement can grow is to have a home that is ordered. I grew up in a home without order. There was constant clutter everywhere. I craved order, but did not know how to get it. Sometimes the only place in my home that was clean was the bathroom floor. I would take my book into the bathroom and sit on the floor to read. When I grew up I determined that I would have an ordered home. However, I was not taught good habits and consequently it has taken me years to understand how to order my home. In fact, I am still trying to figure it out. My problem, well one of many, is consistency. I start something, but can never follow through to completion.
One of my favorite scriptures is from Abraham 4:18. After completing their creations on the fourth day, “...the Gods watched all these things which they had ordered until they obeyed.” First the Gods put the elements in their place, then they watched them to see that the elements stayed. This does not mean they just sat and watched the elements, it also does not mean they forced the elements to obey. They would have had to keep making corrections and fine tuning things until the elements completely understood their place. The Gods prepared a place of order before introducing flesh on the earth. They created a beautiful place that refinement could then take place in.
See, that's what I'm not good at. The fine tuning. My world would have been one of chaos because I would have gotten everything in place and then...well actually it wouldn't have even gotten to that stage. I would have planned everything, had it written up on paper with umpteen charts, graphs, and illustrations...and then stopped.
But I keep trying. I can give myself credit for that. This week I have been going through my house area by area, purging and organizing; putting everything in place. I have such a strong desire to change. Over the past year I have been changing and learning and growing...minutely, but still progressing. I will perservere!
Go read the article and then tell me what you think.
I’m not a mall shopper. In my younger days I was, but now I avoid it (except when I am craving See’s candy). However, I do have a few department and specialty stores that I particularly like. The other day I was driving home from an appointment and my route took me past my favorite shopping center. Some of the stores include Marshalls, Michaels, Old Navy, Bath and Body Works, and Barnes & Noble. As I passed by them I felt the familiar giddy excitement welling up in me and I fought the desire to turn in and shop. I love browsing through Marshalls housewares department looking for the latest kitchen gadget or fun decorative items to display around my house. A new set of dishes makes me very happy. I also love to ramble through Barnes & Noble; I usually find three or four books to add to my ever expanding book collection. My husband is into political books, but I like anything Jane Austenish. I also love reading young adult literature. Oh yes, books make me happy. And then there’s Michaels…now there’s a store I can spend a lot of time in. They have oh so many things to help feed the creative genius within me; scrapbooking, jewelry crafting, yarn, silk flowers, etc. The only thing they lack is a fabric center. I have to go to JoAnn’s for that. Yep, sewing and crafting makes me happy. Oh, yes and Old Navy where you can come out with two huge shopping bags for under $100.00. They have such good deals at Old Navy. Seeing my kids dressed in the latest fashion at such a good bargain makes me happy. And let us not neglect Bath & Body Works. The smell alone pulls you into that store. I love their body wash, lotion and bath splash. Goodness, you can get them in so many different fragrances. I especially love the Sweetpea fragrance. Taking a nice hot shower and then pampering myself with their lotion makes me happy.
Bel boweth down, Nebo stoopeth, their idols were upon the beasts, and upon the cattle: your carriages were heavy loaden; they are a burden to the weary beast. They stoop, they bow down together, they could not deliver the burden, but themselves are gone into captivity.*
Oh, I know that scripture. I just studied it. Bel and Nebo are some idols of the Israelites. I think they were made of metal or something very heavy. I think it slowed the Israelites down when they were carrying them and they were taken into captivity…but wait, what does that have to do with what makes me happy? I don’t have any idols. Well anyway, where was I…oh yes…
...I was good however and resisted the urge to turn in. I drove home instead. When I got there my daughter reminded me that I needed to order a couple of books she needed for her Japanese class. I turned on my laptop and went to Amazon.com. I looked over the list of books in my shopping cart. Yep, there were her books…along with a few others that I had heard were must reads and a couple more that I found while browsing around their site, and did you know that you can buy so much more from Amazon.com than books? Yessiree Bob, I found a case for my Blackberry and a couple of games as well. I proceeded to the check out and with a few clicks of the mouse my order was complete. I would be getting some packages in the mail in just a few days, I love getting packages in the mail... it’s almost like Christmas!! Did I mention that books make me happy?
They lavish gold out of the bag, and weigh silver in the balance, and hire a goldsmith; and he maketh it a god: they fall down, yea, they worship.*
What…huh?...what does money have to do with this? And what’s this about a god? Do you mean like a false god? Like idol worship? Oh, yeah, those Israelites, they paid a lot of money for their gods, they even made them out of gold. Can you imagine? I don’t get it. But wait, this is a post about what makes me happy, what does it have to do with idol worship? Try not to interrupt me again…
ANYWAY…So after I was done ordering the books I took a look around the house. It was a bit messy. Well maybe a little more than a bit. O.K., I tell you, I cannot get out from under the housework, it seems all I do is clean house. Dusting around all those knick knacks takes a lot of time! And laundry…hoo boy, I have laundry piles in every room, that’s a never ending task. And then there’s the constant shuffling of books; they are all over the place, in baskets on the floor, on the coffee tables, stacked in corners of the room. I need more bookshelves.
They bear him upon the shoulder, they carry him, and set him in his place… *
Oh that's the best part. Those foolish Israelites, they carried their god all over the place with them. That must have been a lot of fun, carting him all over the place when they moved, because you know, they moved a lot, but I digress, I was talking about what makes me happy…
After looking about a bit, I decided I needed a little pick me up before I got started picking up so I headed to my sewing/craft room. I moved a couple of projects off the desk so I could have some space to sew. I opened the closet door so that I could get the quilt I started a couple of years ago. After moving a stack of material and some crafting supplies I finally located it, however by the time I got done rearranging things I noticed the clock said 5:00…oops, time to start dinner. I went to the kitchen and started looking for the sauce pan I needed to fry up the hamburger. After moving several pots and pans out of my way I finally found the one I like to use best. Then I had to find a spatula to stir the meat with. I tried to open the utensil drawer, but it was stuck, I guess it was a little to full….dang it, I broke a nail trying to get the drawer open and I had just painted my nails too. Oh, why does life have to be so hard? Sometimes I get so depressed and weary trying to keep up with my life. I feel like a slave in my own home constantly moving the clutter around. If I could just get my home organized I would be happy.
...wait a minute. Did I just insinuate that I am not happy? Because this is a post about what makes me happy.
and he standeth… yea, one shall cry unto him, yet can he not answer, nor save him out of his trouble. *
...yeah I know, when the Israelites were unhappy they cried to their god, but it couldn't answer, because it was just metal after all, just another thing sitting around cluttering up their...ummm...cluttering up their, uh...space.
I think I’m getting the hint...
but you know what would really make me happy right now? A nice hot shower and then some soothing lotion...
*Isaiah 46
“And it shall come to pass in the last days, when the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills, and all nations shall flow unto it. And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths.” Isaiah 2:2-3.
A couple of years ago a temple was built near us, a mere 35 minute drive across town. Previous to this we had to travel a whopping 2 hours to the nearest temple! I remember growing up in Oklahoma and my parents being excited that a temple was being built in Dallas, which was about 6 hours away. Before that the closest temple was in Salt Lake City. I just read an Ensign article of a family who had to save and then give all they had to go to the temple; they traveled several days and didn’t even know how they were going to return home.
Before the temple was dedicated I was able to take my children through it. My husband wasn’t able to be there which was disappointing because when we went into the sealing room I was overcome with the sight of my children and I standing there looking in the mirrors. We missed having him there because a piece of our family was missing, yet, never before had the reality of the sealing ordinance been so strongly made manifest to me. I can still see in my mind’s eye the sight of my children mirrored for eternity. It was breathtaking.
When our temple was finished I didn’t take immediate advantage of it. I’m ashamed of that; I just allowed the cares of the world to take up my time and kept neglecting to call and make the appointment. But when I finally did go, my excitement could hardly be contained. This temple was my temple, built for my use in my town! The emotions I felt as I went through the endowment were overwhelming. I have never had a temple experience quite like it. I especially needed it because that period of my life was such a trying time for me(it still is). The demands of motherhood and homeschooling were about to do me in (they still are). I just wanted to run away from my family and pretend they didn’t exist (I still do)! Motherhood is hard no matter what age your children are, and I was trying to be the sole educator on top of that. I remember finally getting into the Celestial room and I just sat there feeling the peace and drinking in the beauty that surrounded me. I prayed and pondered on some of my situations at home. I thought about the peace I felt there in the temple with the adversary and all the worldly frustrations locked outside. I told Heavenly Father that I just wanted to stay there forever. I didn’t want to go home. I sat there for awhile basking in the peace and serenity of my surroundings, and then the thought came to me, “You need to go home to your children now, but you can come back.”
My life is so busy right now with homeschool, church calling, homemaker, wife, chauffer, etc. etc. etc. I have so many demands that are either put upon me or that I put upon myself. I am also a person that has a hard time focusing on more than one or two things at a time. After awhile I find myself ‘fragmented’ so to speak. Lists are floating about in my head and on my counters. My brain has a hard time processing all the “to do’s” and after awhile my progress slows.
A few weeks ago my dad came to visit. My dad is a computer scientist and since I am pretty much illiterate when it comes to maintaining my computer I am always happy when he comes. He cleans it up, arranges files and puts it through a “defrag”. Now, being technologically limited, I can’t explain very well what a “defrag” is. It was simplified for me in this way: in the inner workings of the computer, files get moved around and this creates a lot of space in between each file. After awhile this inhibits the processes of the computer so that it begins to slow down. A defrag lines up the files and eliminates the spaces so that the computer then runs much more efficiently. (Clear as mud and probably not completely accurate, but for our purpose here we’ll go with it.)
People are like computers. They need to be maintained on a regular basis. Going to church every Sunday is like organizing the files we can see in our documents. It’s best to arrange, delete and make changes regularly in order to keep our desktop clean and in good working order. But we have callings to do and children to keep still. We are not always able to sit and nurture our souls. The temple is different. There we are free from distraction. Going to the temple is like the big defrag. It cleans up and organizes us on the inside, it puts our life back into perspective and it pulls the scattered fragments of our soul together.
“You can come back.” Never were sweeter words whispered to my soul.
It’s interesting how the Lord works in our lives. Yesterday I was feeling good; I was happy and life was looking up. I think my last post reflected some of my confidence in myself. Today…not so good. I had a bad morning, and after a couple of things happened to sour my mood I went to my room, got on my knees and proceeded to tell Heavenly Father all the things I was done doing, and he’d have to figure out a different plan for my life, because I was done with this one.
Then while I was in the shower I thought of writing a post detailing all the sordid details and making other people feel sorry for me and spreading my misery.
Then I had to take my son to school and on the way we had a decent conversation and my spirit lifted a little.
Then I came home and checked on my blog and there were two comments that made me happy.
Then I read this post and this post and this post and a few more and I contemplated some things, learned something new, and laughed my head off.
It makes me think of how the Lord knows what you need.
I’m in the Primary presidency in my ward and one of my duties is to conduct every couple of months and give a small message about the theme of the month. Usually I say a little prayer and then some experience or scripture comes to mind that I can speak about and all goes well. A couple of weeks ago I was getting ready for church and realized I hadn’t given thought to a message. I panicked just a wee bit, then said a prayer and waited for something to materialize in my brain. Nothing. I prayed again. Nothing. My panick heightened. Then a thought popped in, “check to see if it’s the bishopric’s week for the message.” I did. It was.
The next week I was getting ready for church and realized I hadn’t given thought to a message. I prayed. The message came.
The Lord doesn’t waste our time.
A few years ago I was taking my kids to see a play and needed to get money from an ATM. My bank had two locations, so I decided to go to the closer one, as it was more on the way. A thought kept popping into my mind that I should choose the other one, but I ignored it and went to the one on the way. It was closed for maintenance, so I had to go to another bank across the street and pay $1.50 to get my money.
The Lord doesn’t waste our money.
Once I was taking a walk and feeling very down. In my mind I started speaking to God and you know what? He answered. We had a little conversation right there. I knew he was speaking to me because I cry when I feel his presence and I had tears streaming down my cheeks. He told me to look at the leaves that I was passing by and to notice all the detail. He told me that he created those leaves down to the tiniest detail. Likewise he was in my life down to the tiniest detail.
I’m feeling better now.
"Laundry"My last post was a pathetic attempt at some Isaiah type imagery. What does a picture of two cute boys buried in the sand have to do with laundry? At face value it might seem to be that because they are buried in the sand their clothes will need to be washed, or you might consider how little boys tend to generate lots of laundry, and then you are getting closer. But there's a little more to this seemingly random word and picture. That is how Isaiah is, at face value his disconnected and ambigious words confuse and you have to probe a little deeper to understand the message.
I decided to write a little verse about my picture and I hope you enjoy it!
And the people did throw forth their fine twined linens, and their purple mantles and cloths of scarlet and gold and many other cloths did they throw forth which were soiled and full of filth, and they did stretch forth as it were like the sands of the sea and they piled up in heaps as great mountains and the people were buried. And one did rise above the rest and did cause the waters to whirl to and fro and the air to blow forth as a furnace, hot and scourging, and the fine twined linens and the purple mantles and cloths of scarlet and gold were cleansed and purified, yet still did they pile up as great mountains until the one began to disperse them among the people, each to his own kind. And the waters abated and the air did cease to blow for a time and the one came to rest which rest was glorious.
Or in other words, I was up to my neck in laundry!
Have a great weekend!
The joys of homeschooling--or, should I say, the good, the bad, and the ugly...this time it was a combination. We got to dissect an eye, ewwwww! My youngest daughter had been begging me for a year or more get a lamb eye for her, so when I ordered some science items the other day, we got an eye, not a lamb, but a cow. Here it is in all it's gory detail, and if you want to know more, you can read about it here.
Shall we get started?!
First you have to cut all the tissue away...
Love that formaldehyde smell...
There now, it's nice and clean. That stemlike thing on the back is the optic nerve.
This is the cornea. It's quite tough. Stronger than I thought, but am so glad!
Sorry for the blur, my son was taking the pictures (he's not used to my camera yet).
Here's the front half...lens and iris, looking at it from the inside.
Now for the back, this is the retina. It's just a tissue held in place by the
vitreous humor, a gel like substance inside the eye that holds the eye in shape.
The retina is attached to the eye by the optic nerve which is where your blind spot is.
"Eye see you!"
This is getting a little cheesy.
This is the lens. It's different that we thought it would be.
It's kind of like a mancala piece, and is layered like an onion.
Mmm...tasty.
Here's the back with the retina taken off. Animal eyes have the iridescent
shine to them so that they can see at night. That's what makes them
glow in the headlights, but it also distorts their daytime vision.
Here's the happy girl who started this whole thing...
What we didn't show you was her throw up pail...she used it about five times!
Now, how about some breakfast...
I got my best friend back today.
My friend had been out of my life for quite some time and my life was not the same. I moped around and pretty much made everyone miserable because I was miserable without my best friend.
My friend helped me to see beauty in the mundane and helped me to express myself in the world around me.
But then we moved and there was not space in my life for my friend.
My friend felt neglected.
When I finally got around to paying my friend attention, my friend refused to help me. Because of my neglect, my friend was sick.
So I took care of my friend, I cleaned my friend up and got my friend the professional help my friend needed.
Now my friend's back and my days will be filled with purpose again. My friend is helping me to unlock the creativity within me.
My days will be happy and bright and I will probably be a much nicer person now.
I love my friend.
BFF!
Stressed, Unprepared, Irritable. How would you like those words used as a description for you...and from your son no less! Kids are blunt, they tell it like it is, even if the truth hurts. To his credit, or mine rather, he did say I'm not like that all the time...just a lot of the time! I had a little conversation with his sister the other day that was also telling. We were in the car, and I was crying about something. I had my sunglasses on so I didn't think she noticed, but then she said, "Mom, are you ok?" I tried to answer somewhat in the affirmative with a little nod of my head. "Well", she said, "I was just wondering, because you cry a lot and I just wanted to be sure you were ok."
Am I ok? Yes… and no. Yes, because I have a strong testimony of who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I am not in danger of losing my testimony. And no, because somewhere between 4 years ago and now I lost my bearings and gave up for awhile. It was like being in a boat on a slow moving river and paddling upstream. I lost the energy to keep going and sort of fell asleep. And now I find myself waking up and witnessing the after effects of all the lost opportunities. I feel like I am going through a sort of mourning process of what I lost, and am unsure of how to proceed.
I don't want to have a pity party here; I do that enough on my own. What these two episodes have done is to help me to see some changes I need to make. It will be a harder battle from where I stand now than it would have been had I kept up the energy 4 years ago. I'm being ambiguous I know, but I'm having a hard time putting a face on it myself. I'm only now starting to understand why I gave up. I'm coming to understand some key characteristics about myself that I didn't recognize before; stumbling blocks that need to be moved. I'm also coming to understand more and more that I am not alone. This past year, more than any other time in my life, I have recognized the workings of the Atonement in my life. In fact several months ago I had an experience that gave me a whole new understanding of the Atonement. It was "one of those days". I just didn't think I could do anything anymore. I felt trapped in this life with six kids and all the pressures that go along with motherhood, wife-hood, chauffeur, homeschooling and church. I felt like I had too much to do and not enough time or energy or even desire anymore. I had nothing left to give. Here's an excerpt from my writing at that time:
"Yesterday I felt peace in my heart. My house was a mess, I wasn't accomplishing all the things I needed to, but I felt peace. As I was driving down the road contemplating it I suddenly realized what I was experiencing was the atonement working in my life. I understood what it meant when different groups of people in the scriptures said that their burdens were made light. I could never comprehend that before, but what I came to understand is the way it happens is different for everyone. For me, to make my burdens light means to take the tightness out of my chest. To make it so that when I see my messy house, or when I think of all the things I should be teaching my children, or when I think of all the roles I have to fill, that I don't get that panicky feeling and want to give up. The night before this happened I had said my prayers and told Heavenly Father that I wanted to give up. I was done. I told him I couldn't take this pressure anymore. I told Him that I was finished praying for the night and I was going to bed now. I cried myself to sleep. I had a weird dream. I dreamed that someone was attacking me with a couple of knives. This person tried to stab me and I fought with all my might. I screamed for help several times. I woke up. The person in the dream I was fighting was me. I was attacking myself. The next morning I read my scriptures. I've been studying Hebrews and the excerpts come from chapters 3 & 4,
“Christ as a son over his own house; whose house are we, if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end...Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief...exhort one another daily...if ye will hear his voice...labour therefore to enter into that rest...[He] is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart...Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”
I knew that Heavenly Father felt my sorrow and understood what I needed. He lifted my burdens by taking the tightness out of my chest and helping me to cope. I also felt that He was telling me that I have an unbelieving heart, but I am to have confidence and firm hope in Him because I belong to him, I am of his house. He knows the thoughts and intents of my heart and I am to ask him boldly for the help I need."
Stressed, unprepared, irritable…a wake up call. I think I’ll start rowing again.